The whole world always hears “relationship needs” from the female side . But men too have their requirements and objections, like when we complain ‘bout the toilet seat they insist on leaving it lifted up ; we need it down, they need it up, so why don’t we learn how to work with it as well ? You don’t hear guys complaining about we leaving it down ...
Sundays are untouchable, almost divine ! Don’t create false hopes your man will take you to the cinema, picnic in the park, Selfridges or something .
If you leave the house, you are going to the pub next door to watch the football match with his mates, and don’t persist in taking him for a retail therapy with you : Shopping is not a sport – and that is exactly why we like it .
Whatever you want him to do, just ask for it, make yourself very clear for subtle hints won’t work, strong hints won’t work, obvious hints won’t work . They are not like us, women, that when saying “no” we do mean “no” . When a man says “yes” is probably just because he didn’t understand the question and don’t want to get on your nerves asking, “what was that again?” By the way, these two short, opposed words are really enough and perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question . If they ask you whether you are or not enjoying your dinner, don’t go back in time saying your grandma, when you were about seven and used to spend your summer vacations with your grandparents in the countryside, used to cook something very similar except for the fact she used to put parsley in it, not chives, which is a very good idea for it doesn’t take the taste of the fish off . A plain “yes” is just fine !
What is more, to come to a man with a problem for which you just want to be comforted about is basically no more than a rubbish idea . If help solving it is not what you want, call your girlfriends ; blokes’ll give you clarification, not sympathy . “But babe, you’ve been saying the same things you’ve been saying for three years!” Also, whatever they say that can be interpreted two ways and one of these ways might upset you or piss you off, believe it : They meant the other one .
Another very interesting issue is when we get our hair done or buy some new clothes ; woman, for your own emotional and mental sanity, do not expect a man to realize the changing right away . They have a their very own, peculiar manner to notice these transformations … Which is not noticing whatsoever, except if you say very plainly what it is . Moreover, they
all see in only sixteen colours, like Windows default settings . Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour . Pumpkin is a fruit as well, so pumpkin for the living room’s curtains is out ! Not to mention the donkey face you’ll get for mentioning mauve – they won’t have got the slightest clue of what you are talking about .
Under any circumstances you must ask what is going on inside their heads, unless, of course, you are prepared to discuss such topics as Star Wars, expensive cars, monster trucks, football, rugby or anything involving a bunch of dickheads running after a ball, and never, ever assume you “quite like” football – “I say I like it, not I want to talk about it the entire day!” And don’t be afraid to speak your mind : If you’re asked what’s wrong and you reply to it with a “nothing” – trusting they guy will act like a monkey, begging you to trust him – then they’ll act like nothing is wrong . Not because they are thick, though . They know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle .
And last but not least, you have enough flats, t-bars, boots, ankle boots, shoe boots, party heels, clutches, totes, bags, scarf, gloves, hats, caps, berets, tights, belts, sunglasses, dresses, skirts, trousers, leggings, blouses, shirts, tunics, coats, jumpers, cardigans, jackets … Whenever they need to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine . Really ! Do not even ask if you are looking fat in that three-quarter sleeve, vintage style, lime green wool mix coat from River Island, cause if you do is probably because you are .
